it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
