So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
