Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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