why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
