Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
