R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
