why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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