i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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