I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
