We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
