I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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