I think I am morally bankrupt
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
