Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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