when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
