okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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