I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
