In the future we'll all be gay
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
