Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
