I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
