How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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