Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Shame is for Republicans.
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