you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
