I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
