you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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