Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
