It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
