Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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