I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
