Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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