I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
