She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
