If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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