So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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