Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
