I will die if light touches me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
