So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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