just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
