Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
