Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize