Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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