Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
