We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
