You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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