He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
