I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
