so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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