We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
