So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
