u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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