So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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