Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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