My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she told me i tasted like america
His hands were made for my vagina.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
