I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
