my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
