yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
