just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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