I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
