I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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