Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
