4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Randomize
