I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
