He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
