you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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