I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
