I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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