fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
