I wish I could punch you in the face.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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