her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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