you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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