i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
