apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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