The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
