Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
