She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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