what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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