Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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