When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
