My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
